|Nov. 24th, 2014 11:29 pm Funny lines|
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Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research
God must love stupid people. He made SO many.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.
I have never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they're home they like to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.
I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
Life's a bitch, 'cause if it was a slut, it'd be easy.
Deja Vu - When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.
Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
I'm a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.